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All or Nothing

all or nothing

When was the last time you went out to fight for something, with all that you have within you, because you really truly believe in it?

Be it in terms of your career or personal development, learning something new, or even going after something you like; are you willing to fight hard, despite all the naysayers, the doubts and obstacles; and still go headstrong with it?

I was feeling like I was in a bit of a rut at work a few weeks ago. It was so bad, even my boss realized it and reminded me of the version of myself with that feisty energy which might have went missing. It was indeed a wake-up call for me.

Hence, I decided to buck up and started to work on an initiative which I always had at the back of my mind but never really put much work into it. I always left it at the bottom of my priority list with lame excuses such as “people won’t believe it”, or “the company has no time for this”. But after that jolt, I decided to start fighting for it. I put it into scribbled notes and proposals. I spent my evenings and weekends working out its mechanics. I tested it out and created mockups. I made a conscious decision to fight for it and make it happen. It was all or nothing.

Throughout the process, I had my doubts too. But the more I worked on it, the more I believed in it. Through many rounds of presentation, from being unsure and nervous, I slowly became confident and driven. I realized that in order for people to believe in it, I had to believe it at least ten times more. In order for people to be excited about it, I had to be crazy, wide-eyed excited about it (yes, it is okay to be slightly crazy). Not only did the project grew closer to a reality, I grew with the process as well. My heart raced each time I worked on it. I enter the state of flow and got slightly addicted to the high it gave me.

In that chaos of making it happen, it became my very own baby, and I got really protective of it. I wanted people to believe in it, I wanted it to have a chance to see the light.

And guess what? It was accepted. In the most casual and nonchalant way.

“Let’s do it.”

Just like that, in that one moment, everything I have been fighting for, the outcome I fantasized in my head, the hopeful imagination I had; it all became a reality.

The funny thing is, it was not explosions and fireworks in my head. It was a stunned silence. Before I felt the rush and excitement, my mind went completely blank. Panic rushed through me and suddenly I had a million extra questions and an overwhelming list of what needs to be done running in my head. I started to freak out a little bit, “Oh my goodness, what in the world just happened?!”

Then I took a deep breath and told myself, this is what you wanted so badly, what kept you up all those nights, the time and effort you spent working on it; it is now all yours. And now, there is no turning back. Now, it is the time where it is all or nothing. Now it is the time, to go out and do it, and to do it freaking well. I am not writing this to brag or anything. I am writing this to remember why I chose to fight for it in the first place. I am writing this to make myself commit to working hard and seeing this through.

All the preparation from before, that was all just the warm-up process. Now comes the real marathon. This is the real race.

I think it is important to acknowledge that it will not be perfect. There will be times throughout the grind that I may feel stressed out, annoyed, and even question why did I even sign up for this in the first place. Things may not go smoothly as planned. Being the control freak that I am, I might get really, really frustrated. Let’s be honest, those things WILL happen. But whatever it is, all that is secondary. Because this is what I fought for.

I am going to remember this feeling I have right now. The belief and enthusiasm I have for this. The high it gives me, the love and trust I have for this. I need to remind myself as I enter this journey that this is going to be worth it. This is what is going to make me excited to wake up each morning.

This is where it starts.

Let’s do this. With all I that I have and more.


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