Since I have been gone from this space for about two months, I thought I would just share with you my current state of mind.
I am six months into living the decision I made. Six months into this city I am starting to call my second home. Six months and I have gotten very used to my routine, and very much learn to enjoy it. My routine of waking up, commuting with LRT to work, walking into my office with my own tumbler of hot coffee, working together with the a bunch of amazing and fun colleagues, getting home, preparing dinner on my own, squeezing in a short workout, and snuggling into bed with sitcoms or a good book and falling asleep before 12am. And yes, my routine is indeed my pride and joy. Standing back and looking at it all, I am genuinely happy.
Let me just put it out there. Not all days are good days. There are days when I feel exhausted, frustrated or just randomly moody (which often is the case of PMS, well, I am a girl and I admit, it gets to me). There are days when something small bothers me and I just can’t find the strength within me to shrug it off. Those days are my “not-so-good days”. And there are also days in which everything seems mundane, in which there is nothing much to celebrate or cry about. Those days are my “okay days”. Then again, there are days when I feel incredibly accomplished and productive. There are days when I feel just contented and blissful with everything and everyone around me. Those days are my “very-good days”.
Whatever kind of day it may be, at the end of it, when I crawl into bed with my lights off, looking out of my window with the most amazing room view anyone can ask for (in which even after six months, I still adore), I am contented. In general, I am really, really, just happy.
I think many of us have this unreasonable expectation of what happiness should be. That is, being happy means being in that constant positive state of mind. But that is what ruins happiness altogether. I too used to search for that. I tend to get really pissy when things go wrong when I expect it to be perfect. I used to go into the vicious cycle of self-blame when I make mistakes and my plans don’t go the way I hoped it would. All in all, that did not help the situation at all. In fact, it made things worse.
But now I have come to learn that not every day is going to be “very good days”. But it is okay. It is okay to have some days in which nothing goes right and you cannot wait for the day to end. There is no need to beat yourself up or blame everything around you for ruining your day. Some days WILL be ruined. It is just the way it is.
I had a lecturer who once thought us to change our perspective by breaking things down into parts. Instead of saying “always” or “all the time”, change your perspective. SOMETIMES, I say the wrong things. ONCE IN AWHILE I feel upset. MOST days, I am happy. MOST of today went well. MORE THAN HALF the time I am content. USUALLY, I feel good about myself. Think about it, isn’t this more than enough?
Because looking at the big picture, I am happy. That itself is more than enough to be celebrated. That is what fuels me, to keep being me, doing what I do, and accepting of my very own state of mind.
Take some time, pause and reflect, and ask yourself, what is your state of mind?